China declares war on sex

China bans sexual sounds

Push-up bras banned in China

In a country with no shortage of babies and baby-making libidos, China has begun a subtle and clever war to eliminate sex completely. You thought the U.S. declaring war on a concept ("terrorism") was innovative and groundbreaking, the Chinese have said "suck on this a one time, budddyyy" by declaring war on human reproduction.

First they banned sound. This is government taking charge, don't you think? I'm not sure what they're going to do over there if they can't make any sounds. All sorts of new problems will begin. They'll be banning all sounds, you see, because while one person's "oh! oh! Oh!!!" may cause a stir in the loins, another person may be more turned on by short staccato bursts of air that sound like a hamster giggling. You may not find a car horn to be sexy, but where do you think they got the term auto erotica, huh?

And so, inevitably, China will become more and more silent, until people are afraid to even walk for fear that someone somewhere might get torqued up by squeaky shoes.

And now, while they are trying to figure out whether there's use for phones anymore, they won't be able to wear bras either. I have to admit some confusion here since uncovered breasts might make things a bit worse. At least it does over here in the U.S. Maybe they don't look at that part of the female anatomy.

Or maybe the next headline we'll read is "Chinese are banned from looking at boobs."