Witchdoctor Caught at Poll Tribunal

Witchdoctor Caught at poll tribunal

This is what happens with people who don't know what they're doing. Allow me to explain.

"Nigerian police have arrested a witchdoctor employed by a politician to perform rituals at an election tribunal, local media reported Thursday."

Mistake #1: "Witchdoctor" is a politically incorrect term. The politician in question is going to look pretty silly saying "My witchdoctor has adviced me to skewer my opponent with sharp pins...er, ha ha!...I mean, skewer my opponent's voodoo doll with sharp pins." Instead, they should call them what we call them here in the United States: lobbyist, political consultant, or Karl Rove.

"Officers caught Oluwole Abiodun Wednesday at the court building in southwestern Ondo state with charms and copies of the Bible and Koran in a black plastic bag."

Mistake #2: The Bible and the Koran? What kind of self-respecting witchdoctor would be reading books anyway?!

"A pot containing a rabbit, seven eggs, cowrie shells and palm oil was found nearby, the state News Agency of Nigeria said."

Mistake #3: You see where the mistake was made, right? Yes, that's right. No one, I mean not even your amateur, hobbyist witchdoctor, uses palm oil in their mixtures. Standard practice, as EVERYONE knows, is to use conola oil, which is much lower in fat. It also makes the rabbit come out fluffier and with fewer unpopped kernels.

"Hundreds of cases are being heard across Nigeria to resolve disputes arising from April elections that were so heavily rigged they were deemed not credible by international observers."

Here is the only sensible part of the whole thing. When you see that an election is heavily rigged, the only right and sensible thing to do is employ someone whose first instincts in dealing with such a situation is to cook a rabbit and wave plastic beads at suspicious-looking politicians.

Or, I suppose, you could cook the politicians and wave your beads at suspicious-looking rabbits.