Killer Sand

Sand more deadly than Sharks

Chilling, isn't it. All these years, we've been afraid of the fin sticking up from the water. Jaws was the very first movie that I was definitely, absolutely, positively not allowed to go see when I was a kid. When we went to Florida we never went out very far in the water because, you know, a man-eating forty-foot long monster shark was right there heating up his grill for kid-kabobs.

So we sat in the sand and made castles and moats and then got bored and dumped bucket-fulls of wet sand on each other and then the parents and then strangers.

But its sand that's the real danger. Who knew? I didn't. While I was sitting in the sand dreading horrible fish with teeth big enough to climb, the sand was getting ready to EAT me!

Remember burying Dad alive in the sand? Funny then, right? Just a harmless bit of joy, pretending to off the old man and not have to take out the trash ever again. Well now we know it might have actually worked!

So. My suggestion to you, the next time you get ready to smother that despised relative in piles of sand: dig the hole they'll be sitting in a little deeper. Then, see, they'll have more sand covering them and the weight, combined with their own pale, bloated carcass, might actually cause them to sink deep into the earth's crust.

And if my kids are reading this? Kids, never believe anything you read on the internet. And try digging your moats a little deeper. If its big enough you might trap a shark in it. Nothing's scarier than a killer sand moat with killer sharks in it.

We're going to Florida in a month. I predict we don't get any closer to the beach than the hotel parking lot.