A Typical Bush Cabinet Meeting

The Prez: Cabinet members, I want to thank you for coming here today.

Karl Rove: Its our regular Monday meeting, Mr President. We’re always here.

The Prez: Really? We do this every Monday? Well, heck. We do good work, don’t we. Regular work. God-fearing work. Let’s pray. God? Please remind us to keep doing these meetings every Monday. Its good work. Its regular work. And we do fear you too. Amen. Now what’s first?

Condi Rice: Mr. President, we’ve had an escalation of casualties in Iraq and-

The Prez: Not that again! Can we start with something else first? How about lunch? We should decide what we want for lunch. Let’s pray.

Condi Rice: Sir, the polls haven’t been kind and we’ve really got to address-

The Prez: Polls, polls, polls. I don’t care about that. Right, Karl?

Rove: Yes. You do.

The Prez: Oh, right, okay. What about the polls?

Condi Rice: We’re at a 12% approval rating right now, Sir. Which is actually up after you gave that touching speech yesterday about-

The Prez: Oh, oh, the blind kid, yeah. What’s his name…uh…Roger something. Nice guy. I was exceptionally articulational in that speech.

Rove: It was Wendy Coleman, Sir. A woman. And she wasn’t blind.

The Prez: Oh THAT speech…you sure it wasn’t about Roger?

Rove: There is no Roger, Mr. President.

The Prez: Well, of course there isn’t. I want everyone in this room to quit talking about this Roger person. Shall we pray about it?

Rove: No.

The Prez: Okay, Karl, you’re the boss.

Rove: No, Sir, you are.

The Prez: Righty-o, Karl…Karlo…Karlos…the big Karl…the Rove man…Karl-man, have you ever noticed that no one else in my cabinet ever says anything?

Rove: Condi just told you about the polls, Sir.

The Prez: Condi who?

Rove: Condoleeza…*sigh*…Mr. President if we could get back to-

The Prez: Is it lunch yet? What did we decide we wanted? I'm feeling hungrified!

Rove: Mr. President, please. Its time for another diversion. The casualties are making headlines and we’ve got to get something else on people’s minds.

The Prez: ‘k

Rove: So we’re thinking of dropping leaflets on Iran. Maybe a few empty missile shells too, just to throw a scare in them.

The Prez: Cool! Can I fly one of the planes? Risky, you know. Make me look good.

Rove: No, sir, the air force won’t allow you near any of their planes any more. Plus we need you to express outrage at the Iranians’ subsequent accusations.

The Prez: Oh, are they being complainifiers again? What a bunch of whiners.

Rove: …well we haven’t actually done anything yet sir…

The Prez: We should just drop the big one. Hey! What about leaflets?

Rove: Good idea, sir.

The Prez: You betcha. Let’s do a silent prayer. Lord? Please help us as we forge our way through these turbulent, lunchless times. We pray that you will show us the way to a good restaurant, before we get stomach cramps and have to take a nap. Hey! What about that new place? Oh. Sorry, God. Amen! Where was I? Okay, I’m the decider and I say we eat at the new place.

Rove: Yes, Sir. The free world depends on your leadership.

The Prez: ‘k