Yoda, Come back from the Dark Side!

Third email received from someone claiming to be "Willie":

Light much set form.
Have play if come words find they.
Feet room side and sea its did more.
More as show and.

Few find without picture air first which she.
His animals called sometimes day and between day.
Which words let sound name.
Near that what always into.

About came name white ways with since words been if.
Mother find city like since high him land.
Old five men air their a going without made.

Those that day once second want this under picture an.
She hear what want point called.
Here today new live in say tell.



You will be surprised to learn that this is for a "Willie" enhancement, hence "Willie" having such a clever name.

Of course "Willie" is not the sender's real name. This is really Yoda, as faithfully reported earlier, sinking farther into the Dark side.

"Old five men air their a going without made"? Could this carefully worded sentence be any more clear? Who do you think you're fooling, Yoda??!

Dead and decomposing, and he still has the nerve to prey on those who are penile- and breast-challenged. Words cannot express my disgust.


I think his English skills have gone to the Loony And Illegible side too.

No maybe not

Okay, now I've received this second email, excerpted in part here:

Five head number sometimes should where mr.
Even let that often something long.
Used she many had place since his with.
Could after right sentence they here let.

Part time those what land times above old second should.
Until say each after.
Picture be has on little hear different house read than.

Small make of side only called.
You live through want enough also father.
Can back any best think.
Learn which parts until day animals.


This is in fact an advertisement for breast enlargement. Very obvious from the way the person describes the "Picture be" of the "little hear different house read than". Couldn't be anything other than a clever analogy of a house being "breasts" and the picture being "Us looking at the breasts". I had to work really hard at getting it, and I may have injured a number of motor control centers in my brain, but I get it.

Well...no I don't.

Clearly though, this can't be Yoda. I'm very disappointed. Surely a half-dead Yoda wouldn't be trying to get breast enlargement business. Decomposing as he is, I can't imagine breasts being a big priority for him right now. The rest of us maybe, but Jedi Knights are supposed to be above that.

Unless...Yoda has turned to the dark side!


I still don't get the house thing though.

Its Yoda!!

I am all pins and needles! I just received an email from someone I couldn't initially identify, a small excerpt here:

Part me up where.
Them four them hand.
Are give enough miles while read found.
Might its following kind went keep your.
Answer that made so there found.
Once off thought would without me want.

Should feet air been never.
Work they after paper boy have country play.
Three well want change.
Mother them on should today part year learn she.
while too help you near.

Always room along keep second soon.
Being today think because times once almost sea.
First large called means very.

Large will made life next old had made and.
What another their saw find place.
After an who any below learn feet city after also.
Went better came off.
May parts called against.
Change many while they second himself.


Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yes, that's right. This has got to be Yoda!

His English has definitely deteriorated since he died in Episode Six and he seems preoccupied with paperboys and feet. And he also has switched from flipping the second half of his sentences in front of the first half, to now sprinkling random words into such a pattern that I find that there is absolutely no sense to be made from any of it.

But could this be anyone other than Yoda?!

Possibly he's not dead but has suffered a severe blow to the head. Or maybe he has a lightsabre lodged in his ear. And its ON.

I bet Obiwan did it.