Other readers' feedback on my Crapometer hook

Other readers' feedback on my Crapometer hook

My thoughts on some of the great feedback:

• I'm kind of liking the idea of John Cleese as Mr. York.

• I am absolutely thrilled, and considerably surprised, to find that I have a "voice". I was a bit nervous that my humor would not be "got", but it seems to have gone over fairly well.
  

• Interesting comments on similarities to the movie Flubber. If/when my book is published and you read it, I think you'll find its very little like a cutesy Disney movie. None of my characters are adorable your-best-friend Disney sterotypes, there is adult language and a couple of gun battles, and Mark and Jenna, believe it or not, do not get married at the end. You will see themes explored regarding religion, teenage drug use, and Americans' pathological focus on money. Not very Flubbery. Plus Mark is much shorter than Fred MacMurray and much funnier than Robin Williams. And don't think that wasn't difficult to pull off!

• For those confused or just not hooked by my hook, I'm afraid 750 words at the very beginning of a novel are not going to clear things up. In fact its likely going to add to the pile of your confusion. Sorry. If/when my book is published, I hope you'll read it and see for yourself if I've answered your questions.

Thanks for all the comments. And again, thanks to the amazingly brave Miss Snark. **Do you drink out of the gin pail, Miss S? Or is that just there in case you drink too much gin?**

Miss Snark's feedback

Finally got an email this afternoon (3pm-ish) from the literary agent, Miss Snark (not her real name). It said, "Send 750 words." This may sound to some as an invitation to retrieve, say, the middle sections of a treatise on the carnivorous habits of the household tree frog, extract 750 words at random, and lob them as one in her direction. But in actuality, it means that she liked my hook and wanted to see the first 750 words of my novel.

Unfortunately, I was rather hoping for some detailed feedback so I could see specifically what worked about the hook and what didn't. But there were no further entries to her blog. I spent several hours hitting the refresh button so my hook would appear, to no avail. Then at 7pm-ish, it finally appeared, showing my hook and the following feedback from Miss Snark:

This is great. What makes it work is the vivid imagery, that it's funny, and that I am absolutely willing to believe it's possible.

This isn't as tightly honed as it could be but it works.

What an absolutely positive, invigorating, and yet insufficiently detailed response! It has left me raring to go, which is fortunate since I have to get those 750 words out soon.

I am under the impression that the "isn't as tightly honed as it could be" refers to my efforts to cram as much plot, character description, and humor in as I could and yet not breach the 250 word dam. I have a couple of sentences that could be split into shorter sentences, I think, but in some cases that would probably mean adding more words and, at last count, I was right at 250 words.

So I will take it as a very good affirmation of my work so far. Now on to fine-tuning those first pages.


A special thanks for Miss Snark's superhuman efforts to get through what is apparently going to be about 680 hooks. Phenomenal.

Comic Novel hook emailed to Miss Snark's Crapometer

http://misssnark.blogspot.com/

HERE'S WHAT I EMAILED HER FOR HER CRAPOMETER:

From:
Sent:	Friday, December 15, 2006 11:01 pm
To:	Miss.Snark@gmail.com
Cc:
Bcc:
Subject:	Comic novel for Crapometer

ok to post on blog


For years, inventor Mark Garden strived to make a flying car powered not by gasoline but by discs that neutralize gravity. Instead he’s made a flying dollhouse powered by discs that neutralize gravity. Super. The next step might be a flying car, except he can’t remember how he made the discs. He also can’t understand why visiting corporate reps seem so interested in it. Even corporate exec Jenna Fairchild, the dangerously-butterfingered woman who makes him more of a mess than his inventions end up, seems strangely frantic about the dollhouse.

While Mark’s confidence self-destructs like his next project, chief executives worldwide are in a panic, convinced that the dollhouse and its mythical flying car successor will transform the world even more than the original automobile did. They order the meticulous, frequently annoyed Mr. York and operatives from a dozen global conglomerates to band together to match wits with Mark and acquire the dollhouse. Or steal it, whichever keeps them in budget.

Mr. York and Mark trade moves like a chess match between scheming six-year-olds who don’t know how to play chess. Fleeing together, Jenna and Mark wield their considerable survival ignorance to canoe backwards down rivers, outwit paranoid hermits, and scream in panic at stoned bears, even as Mr. York blasts through towns and forests going in the wrong direction. Finally, as the unraveling team of spies zeroes in on them, Mark must decide whether to destroy his miraculous discs before they’re used to mass-produce enormous hovering Cadillacs.



HERE'S HER EMAIL RESPONSE:

From:	Miss Snark
Sent:	Saturday, December 16, 2006 11:50 am
To	novator452@kc.rr.com
Cc:
Bcc:
Subject:	Re: Comic novel for Crapometer

487

NOW I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL AFTER CHRISTMAS TO GET SKEWERED & COOKED.