Eating the Trash
I saw a KFC commercial the other day. They are selling a new product on their menu. Its a bowl with, first, a layer of mashed potatoes, then a layer of corn, a layer of bite-size fried chicken, covered with gravy and sprinkled with cheese.
Isn't this just trash? If you were to see KFC's trash bin at the end of the day isn't this new product what you would be looking at? Isn't it?
Someone please tell me that fast food places aren't trying to unload their trash on us. Are we prepared to eat the garbage cast out by McDonalds? The refuse from Long John Silvers? Or *gad!* the vile pilings discarded by any number of your generic, all-purpose dine-in joints like Applebee's, Chili's, TGIF, Ruby Tuesday, or --Holy Heart Attack!-- Denny's. I'm talking about the places where your bowl could be filled with rib bones, fish scales, biscuits melted to a slagged heap by now-cold gravy, mushroom burgers that smell so bad the other trash is trying to back away from them, supreme nachos that have coagulated together into a greenish, yellowish, reddish, brownish paste that has grown fur, and any number of less edible scraps like forks, plate shards, broken glass, used napkins, cigar ash, false eyelashes, and a chipped tooth.
Now I'm all for trying new things, expanding my horizons, taking bold leaps into bottomless pits where death is a certainty, but I'm not eating trash! I'll eat extra-value super-sized giganto meals that will have my stomach heading to the bathroom without me at two in the morning. I'll swash down enough soda pop to melt a hole in the U.S.S. John F. Kennedy aircraft carrier. I'll even devour so many jalapeno / twinkie sandwiches that they'll have to have my body condemned, ignited with napalm, detonated by robots, drenched in lime, buried in soft peat two miles below the surface of the earth, and the surrounding 100-square mile area cordoned off like Chernobyl until the next ice age.
But I won't eat trash.
Now if you wrapped it up in a nice corn tortilla and threw in some chips, I'd probably never notice.
Isn't this just trash? If you were to see KFC's trash bin at the end of the day isn't this new product what you would be looking at? Isn't it?
Someone please tell me that fast food places aren't trying to unload their trash on us. Are we prepared to eat the garbage cast out by McDonalds? The refuse from Long John Silvers? Or *gad!* the vile pilings discarded by any number of your generic, all-purpose dine-in joints like Applebee's, Chili's, TGIF, Ruby Tuesday, or --Holy Heart Attack!-- Denny's. I'm talking about the places where your bowl could be filled with rib bones, fish scales, biscuits melted to a slagged heap by now-cold gravy, mushroom burgers that smell so bad the other trash is trying to back away from them, supreme nachos that have coagulated together into a greenish, yellowish, reddish, brownish paste that has grown fur, and any number of less edible scraps like forks, plate shards, broken glass, used napkins, cigar ash, false eyelashes, and a chipped tooth.
Now I'm all for trying new things, expanding my horizons, taking bold leaps into bottomless pits where death is a certainty, but I'm not eating trash! I'll eat extra-value super-sized giganto meals that will have my stomach heading to the bathroom without me at two in the morning. I'll swash down enough soda pop to melt a hole in the U.S.S. John F. Kennedy aircraft carrier. I'll even devour so many jalapeno / twinkie sandwiches that they'll have to have my body condemned, ignited with napalm, detonated by robots, drenched in lime, buried in soft peat two miles below the surface of the earth, and the surrounding 100-square mile area cordoned off like Chernobyl until the next ice age.
But I won't eat trash.
Now if you wrapped it up in a nice corn tortilla and threw in some chips, I'd probably never notice.
posted by JohnR at
11:32 PM
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