A Revolutionary Idea for Television

Sitting here, unemployed, waiting for the phone to ring or an email from someone saying that they wondered where I'd been all their lives and wouldn't I come work for them doing trifling tasks for a monumental salary...where was I going with that?

Ah, yes, now I remember. Sitting here, I find myself watching too much television. Nothing in particular, and maybe that's the problem. Does anyone else notice how ridiculous it is that a herculean life-issue can be resolved in fifteen minutes, plus fifteen minutes of commercials?

They shouldn't get off so easy. There should be some kind of countdown, where the actors, seeing that they won't resolve the herculean life-issue in time, should start acting faster, saying their lines more swiftly and punching out the thugs with an extra zing in their step. As the time winds down, they should be cursing that next commercial break, which will require them to go still faster. With thirty seconds to go and no chance of resolving all the plot contradictions and ill-considered wardrobe choices, they should do as most athletes do and blame their fellow actors, the director, and the writers.

With any luck, as the credits blur up the screen, we'd get to see some heated calls to agents and maybe even some sissy shoving and girly shrieks. From the women too.